Hello my special angel. Oh how I miss you more today than ever before. It is like you just left me all over again. But I know in my heart that you and I will never be apart baby. Your face is in my heart forever, never will I forget you and all that you are to me.
No one will ever know what I feel inside! Only the Lord, for He is the one that put it there. He knew what you would mean to me, and I am so thankful for that. He knew that I would understand and be ok. He knew that I could be strong enough, through His power and love, to overcome this and find the true meaning to it.
He knew I would move on and continue to love and grow in His word and His plan for me. He knew that this would only encourage me more. Keep more focused on His all amazing power and all comforting love. He knew, my son, He knew.
I love you more than I could ever explain. The very brief minutes I held you when you were born are not enough. They still replay over and over in my head. The words that were spoken, the sounds, the looks, the horror, the pain, and the absoluteness of knowing that God would not leave me there!
I would love to have kept you here, loved to have heard you cry, felt your breath and held you close. I know that it was not meant to be that way here on Earth, but in Heaven you are shining bright and I can close my eyes and see you, I can see you smiling and just being so perfect!
I love you my little amazing star! And I know I will hold you again in Heaven!!
Tate, you just wait and see, Mommy will be there, I promise!!! I love you darling!!!
Today my baby Tate, I am making a memory of you that will last a life time. I am creating a scrapbook in your honor. It will be all about you darling. It is very hard for me, but I know you will love it. As will all that see it. They will see the happiness that we have for your love and the thankfulness we have to God for allowing us to be part of your life. We will look back on this day and say how far we have come through the Love Of God helping us and we will also say how much more we love you then. For each day my love for you grows. It may be hard for some to think that my love for you could grow, but they have never birthed an angel. They do not know what it is like to feel a baby grow inside and love it, then to find that that little one was an angel destined to be with the Lord for all eternity.
I love you, son. And I long to be with you in Heaven. --Mommy
I remember how active you were in my tummy. I couldn't wait to see you, hold you, feel your breath on my face. You were loved from the very second I knew I was pregnant. My love for you still grows every day, knowing that I will be seeing you again, my angel. I worried about your little life all the time, wanting to make sure that I did everything possible to insure your healthy birth. I feel so angry and hurt that you were taken from me. That all my worrying and precautions were not enough. Only God is enough Darling. I know that and I wish He could've planned that I keep you here with me, but I KNOW He will hold you forever and that He will bring me home to you. I sometimes wish I could die and come home to you now, then the pain would stop and I would be with my little baby boy. But God reminds me that I have a purpose here. I have my two precious babies, Dawson and Brianna, and I have your amazing father, and all my family and friends. I am so blessed and I have a job to do here, I have to do Gods Will. I am looking forward to fulfilling my purpose on Earth to bring Glory to My Heavenly Father and to work towards all our family being together in Heaven.
It would be easier if I blocked your memory out and moved on with my life. If I made it all seem like a bad dream and never looked back. But that I will not do my love. I will remember the love I have for you, the times I spent holding you in my tummy and the times we rocked together and talked together. I will remember the plans I had for you and the times we all dreamed of your arrival. I will not forget you baby Tate, I will hold you in my heart and my future forever. For you have taught me so many things. Things like How wonderful and real God is, how His healing power is untouchable. How precious our lives are, and that no matter what we plan, God is in control and our lives here on Earth is about bringing Him glory and bringing everyone to Him. God blessed me with you and no matter what happens you WILL NEVER be taken from me, and I CANNOT be taken from God.
So my little precious shining star, I will continue to strive to obey the Lord and someday, before you know it, I'll be holding you again and I will be with you for eternity!!! I am so excited, my arms tingle with that thought!!!!
I LOVE YOU TATE JOSHUA HENDRICKS!!
---Your Mommy, forever
